what im about to write are a true series of events and they were my true emotions at the time. but i have you know that i am fine now. there is nothing wrong and im not thinking this way. i took my medicine and everything is better. it was 1:13am when i wrote this therefore the medicine had worn off. but i was technically suppose to be asleep so nothing bad could possibly happen. this is just a WARNING!!!!!
what am i in this world but a fuck up. i screw up everything thats good in my life. my mom doesnt trust me anymore. my grandmother thinks im a liar and a stealer. they think im worthless. my dad obviously doesnt like me either thats why he picks up and leaves. i have no friends because i drive them away with how pathetic i am. i just wish i didnt exist anymore. i so badly just want to make that nuse and tie it to a tree branch and hang myself. im tired of the judgements people throw at me. the rude comments i hear everyday because of how i look or how i think. the razor marks on my arms that multiply by the day show that. i dont want your words. i dont want you to care for me. im not wothe it. you would just be wasting your time. so you want to know what brings this sob story on.
its called the thing living across the hall from me getting drunk as usual. except this time instead of me finding her passed out in bed i find her lying on the ground on my front porch, unable to function properly. if it wasnt for me have this sudden qwench of thirst and going to get water from the kitchen she probably would still be there. when i was on my way to the kitchen i had noticed that the front door wasnt closed all the way. so thats when i walked over to close it and saw her there. i quickly ran and got my mom and im pretty sure thats the quickest i have ever seen her jump out of bed. she runs to the door and goes outside to help her get up. my mom looked like she was having trouble because my grandmother wasnt helping much. so i ask my mom if she needs help getting her up. my grandmother yells for me to get away. she obviously was still mad for earlier in the night when she told me to get off the phone and i didnt because it was only eleven. but to an old lady whos sixty years old, eleven is late. then my mom gets her to her feet and walks her to her room. when they get in there my mom puts her on the bed and is like "ma, what the hell. when jay sees you liek this its just gonna want to make her go out and do stupid shit like this." she responds on how she cant take this anymore. and my mom was like shes a teenager shes not in school shes allowed to be on the phone so dont worry about what shes doing and worry about yourself. she told my mom that i have been stealing money from her, which is NOT true. i just think to myself how much of a fuck up i am that people would say shit like that. and it doesnt matter that she was drunk because statistics say that most of the time your true feelings come out when your drunk. she is constantly bitching at me or about me to other people. everyone hates me and doesnt wish to help me in my time of need. when i need them the most. a family is suppose to stick by you through thick and thin no matter what. but not mine they are to busy and caught up in other things or hating me, so they could careless. they dont realize that mentally i am sick and getting worse. I NEED HELP! but no one listens, no one cares.
once again, i already have the help i need and i am taking my so called happy pills. i am fine and dont need your pitty to my story. just read it and know that im not the only one who suffers with these in home problems. its a world wide thing that teens deal with. depression, thoughts of suicide, self injury. and its not just teens its adults to. if you notice these signs from a friend or yourself please dont avoid it. get help! and remember, your not alone.
jaimieJUSTIFIED
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