insomnia,

alright so heres the thing. i have insomnia, right. so to me things are more peaceful at night. well they always used to be.

so heres the story because theres a story to everything in my crazy driven life.
everything in my life was fine. insomnia never took over. it never really bothered me because i enjoyed being awake. but since November 2008 all i want to do is sleep. the night pretty much scares me now. its funny how the one thing in your life that used to be so peaceful can become the most scariest thing alive. its almost like a nightmare. now you see in november a little thing called my mum's mother going broke and having to move in with us happened. sure it was all fine at first. it bothered me because what teenager in there right mind wants to live with there grandmother. but other than that it was ohk.

well theres a tiny little problem to it all. my mum's mother is a drunk. now your probably wondering why i say my mum's mother instead of my grandmother, well thats because i pretty much disown her. i never thought in my whole life i would ever disown someone but i guess life isnt always how we imagine.

i will just refer to her as it.

well it moved in and it was a drunk. it gets drunk everynight. thats why ever since november my nights havent been so peaceful. it yells, screams, curses, slams things, gets mad for no reason and the next day plays it off as nothing happened. its so pathetic.

well i disown it. it makes my life miserable.

it is what made cutting so hard to resist after being clean for almost a year. it is what makes me so tense in my own home that my stomach sinks everytime it walks by. im trying to stay clean and keep my mind off it but i dont know how much longer i can take it. its not a healthy living environment. but theres nothing i can do until im eighteen. in my eyes that day april 26, 2012 seems to be getting further and further away. i hope to wake up one day and not be in this environment anymore. i hope for one day to forever be clean and be happy. it will happen eventually.

but for now i can just wait and hope it doesnt get worse. and pray for god to save me.


jaimieJUSTIFIED