i thought

i had a lil bit of everything. a lil bit of love. a lil bit of care. a bestfriend. a girlfriend who loves me. 6 brothers who adore me. but i dont.
yes, christofer, stefan, aria, alec, nick, and grant still love and adore me. i mean come on now. they be my brothers. but i have no idea to anything anymore. today was what seemed to be the worst day ever. not the worst day of my life because thats a different day. thats april 14th, 2006. but it was just to me a worst day to experience. it was suppose to be good, picture day and all. all of you knowing i love being in front of the camera. but it wasnt. in second period i went out of class to get a drink of water. as im walking back to class a campus advisor stops me. yells at me that "I HAD DRESSCODE". what the fuck, seriously i was wearing a tank top. it was grey. apparently it was see through. i yelled at the lady in SRC and said if you dont want to see my bra straps i sure as hell dont want to see yours. she was wearing a tank to and i def could see the straps. EW! because of the viruses and what not going around i refused to wear one of their smelly shirts and not to mention IT WAS PICTURE DAY. i wouldnt be caught dead wearing that shirt they wanted me to wear. it was nasty. so i had to sit in ISS for three periods cause i yelled at the lady and i had to wait for me mum to bring me a shirt. when mum got there she bitched out the lady to because when she was looking for the room to find me at she saw a girl walk out of the main office wearing a tank top as well. but yet im the one who got dresscode.
you think that was bad it only got worse. after i got my shirt and went back to class it was time for the stupid pictures that i didnt want to take cause i was in a bad mood. obviously they looked like crap. and they are going in the yearbook. WTF.
when i got home i was told that my "bestfriend" thought that i had made new bestfriends so she felt unneeded. which is bullcrap but whatever. apparently im not allowed to have more than one best friend. or in general other friends to hang out with. FUCK BESTFRIENDS! I JUST HAVE FRIENDS NOW BECAUSE IM NOT DEALING WITH THE ARGUING ANYMORE!
i hit my boiling point today. i came home, grabbed the razor, and slit my rist open about five times. watched as the blood poored from my arm to the ground. i cried my eyes out and asked why does this have to happen to me. it hurts so bad at first, but the pain is releaved by the cut. i want jacob, anna, travis, tyler, ian, sam, patrick, jawsh, adam, dannie, jackypoo, and jake to be back here. i miss them so much and it hurts so badly inside. they were the ones that helped me through these problems even though they had problems of their own. i cant seem to do this on my own anymore. i cant seem to get better. IM A FREAK! AND A CRAZY! as people call it. but i dont know how long i can take it until i snap and theres no turning back.


jaimieJUSTIFIED