baby you don't understand.

its started the end of freshman year. In about feburary 2009 I started talking to this one boy. he was the first boy i had talked to since the whole Devinn insident. after Devinn i never thought i would find another person that i truely cared about or had feelings for. but then i met this boy, he knows who he is. it started as a myspace thing. being the little myspace whore that i once was, i would add just about everyone i possibly could just to get my friend count up. he started as one of those people. a person who meant nothing and who i added just to have more friends. but he was different than everyone else i was adding. he actually commented me and said hullo. he actually started a freaking conversation. he seemed so sweet with his flirtatious words. we held one conversation for about three months until he finally got the nerve to ask for my number to hear my "gorgeous voice" as he called it. i gave in, of course and gave it to him. he told me he would call me later that night and i said okay. i sat and awaited his call even though somewhere in my confused little head i had a feeling he wouldnt. but then the phone rang and sure enough it was him. for some reason a big smile swept over my face and this weird feeling was in the pit of my stomach. we talked for a while. honestly about nothing but it was amusing. after that night he called every single night, at the same time, for a month and a half straight. we grew closer. and it came down to the point where something we never thought would happen did. we grew emotional feelings for each other. "we loved each other" we told each other our deepest darkest secerts. we had so much in common. but he was so stubborn and i was so needy. i needed to know that he meant everything he said. heck i needed to know what was going on inside his head that he never seemed to tell me. he just couldnt put the words together to tell me. then one night our phone call ended short. he was in such a state he wouldnt talk to me. i asked him what was wrong, several times. i got no response. like i said, he was stubborn. i finally got to the point where i was like "call me when your in a better mood and want to talk, goodbye for now." later that night he let his true feelings out. i had no idea how much emotion was going through his head. he slit his wrists that night. he just couldnt take it anymore. and thats how he let his pain go. after he was done with that and cleaned up his mess, then relaxed for a little bit he wrote a poem. he said how he just wanted to be perfect, perfect for us. hun, i dont ask for perfect. i never have and i never will. i liked you for you. i was willing to accept you for the state that you were in. you didnt have to be perfect. he said how he wanted me in his arms and it was a dream he had. i remember him telling me how i was in a dream of his. but he thought it was silly and never would tell me. then he finally did and i didnt think it was silly. it made me smile, honestly. he asked for me to make his dream come true and that he would prove his love for me. he said i was his everything and that it was true and he meant it. he wanted me to so badly make his dream come true. "he's drop all for me. he's do anything for me. he just wanted me to be his."

but then a little thing called JAY GETTING IN TROUBLE AND HIM NOT BEING ABLE TO VISIT ME BECAUSE I WAS GROUNDED. yeah that little thing got in the way. and not only that the whole two months i was grounded i wasnt allowed to talk to him. we slowly drifted apart. it was something at the time i didnt want to happen. but now that i look back on it, i guess we all knew it was going to happen. i will never forget the words he said to me. i will never forget our 5 hour phone conversations every night. i loved how he made it a point to call me every night. it didnt matter what time it was. i did have issues going on at home and it seemed that through every rough day i had at the end of it, he made me feel so much better. well im writing this to let you know that even though we arent as close anymore. i will still love you. and im still here for you to talk to. because like you said im not like any other girl out there. i'll actually listen to you and not label the things you do or judge you for something in your past. but ummmm yeah. good night. and sweet dreams.


jaimieJUSTIFIED