uhmmmm

to tell you the truth when nothing else words speak.
they are a big part of everyones lives. like you can tell
how they are feeling by how they are typing. whether they
are hyper so they type really fast and every word is spelt wrong
or they are mad so they WRITE IN ALL CAPS. idk just
something i noticed. but when words fail.....music speaks.
its like a calling. not that i know what that means but you probably
more than likely get the point. so yeppp.



and i noticed i stopped writing my name.
like im leaving it blank.lol
so here you go.

jaimieJUSTIFIED

black, sharp, metal, object

i run my small fingers across those metal teeth as slowly as possible. a little sharp but not to bad. ouch! a little bit of my skin got caught. im okey though. i place my index finger on the point of the object with sharp metal teeth and i take the handle with my other hand. i turn it. i start to anaylze the fact that this object in the end makes all my pain go away. i think about it. i place it up against my neck. then. i think again. everyone would be so sad. even when there was nothing to be sad about. im not worth it to sit and spend all of your time crying about because im gone. you wont miss me. you say you will but you wont. after second guessing myself i place the object against the part of my body that the hand is attached to. i rest it there. i start to move it back and forth as a warm red substance begins to flow done my arm. great moms gonna be mad it stained my white long sleeve. i dont care though. it was stained with my pain that i feel every single day. every hour, minute, second. it never goes away. i sit and sulk and this is my way to let it all out. im done now. i stop moving the object. i grab a napkin and clean up my messs. its all done. im better now. a scab will heal over the wound over night. then it will be fine. i pick up my napkin off the floor, grab the knife in my other hand. i walk away. and its all over.

-anonymous.

seriously,

i dont understand why people have to be so fucking mean.
or the fact that they try not to understand you but really they
do or they think they do thats better than nothing, right.
truely i have been annoyed for the last time this weekend
and i am seriously sick of it. and i love how people are doing nothing
but bashing on me lately. seriously come on do you have no life
that you have to try and mess up someone elses. i have had it.
i dont know whats next to come of me and whats going to happen.
i hope its not bad though. everyone would be so sad even when there
was no need for it. just leave me be and that will be the end of it.
i just want to smile one more time. is that to much to ask for.


signed, anonymous.

what you think you may see.

you look at me and see a pretty face, but when you lift my sleaves you see scars, cuts and bruises. so then you notice im not just a pretty face in the crowd. im so much more. you think you can handle me but then you second guess yourself. but one day when im on top of the world i know the right person wont care and wont second guess himself. its gonna take a hell of a lot but he will find a way. and he will understand. he will make me smile, laugh, and giggle. then i wouldnt have time to worry about anything. past, present, or future.



jaimieJUSTIFIED

omgoshhh best day ever.

Ohkay so finally I had a good day. I love that cause it hasnt been the same in a while.
All my days in a way have been off compaired to usual. Well anywho, he made me so happy
I dont even know how. Like when he speaks I listen then I feel good. Like nothing else matters. Honestly, I love talking to him(: But yuhh, so on top of him being so sweet to me and completely truthful I got my laptop today. It made me so happy. Goshhhh this is crazy, like this feeling you know. When you haven't felt it in so long then it just hits you. Well all I know is im glad im not sad. I was a little upset earlier but that is because kaylie started crying on the bus cause she was thinking of her dad which made me think of her dad but most of all tyler. I miss that kid so much its crazy. I cant believe its been like three weeks without him here next to everyone he loves and cares about. anyway about the happiness. I have been smiling all day according to everyone, which it shocked them. GRAWR just from smiling and laughing all day my cheeks hurt. Well anyway I thought that my happiness was something I thought would be something good to blog about seeing as how its not normal for me(:(:(:


So screw everyone else, I will be like this everyday all day. Well I hope so anywayy.

-jaimieJUSTIFIED

To Kaylies Daddy....

written 12.25.2008

Why?Daddy why?

-He was there to pick her up when she was down.

-He was there to calm her down through the yelling and screaming.

-He was there to hold her hand and wipe her tears.

-He loved all her friends and most importantly her and the family.

-He was amazing.

-He spontaneously picked up her and all her friends and went driving with no destination in mind.

-Well in fact he took them to playgrounds and wal-mart.

-He built her trap doors in her room like she was a princess and could escape the misery.

-He made her laugh.

-He said he was always going to be there for her through thick and thin.

-He got her a TACO at two in the morning cause she wanted one.

-He said he would always cover for her so she never got in trouble.

-and his last words to her were "i lvoe you bug"

-hes gone and now shes left to fend for herself.

-She just wants him back to hold her tight, you know.

-Its gonna be rough, its gonna be hard but her friends are here to help her through that rough and hard time.

-and she knows hes always looking down on her.

-Most importantly I promised her that Jacob and Anna would watch over him until she could see him once again. knowing she would then spend eternity with him.

-jaimieJUSTIFIED

P.S. RIP David Owens

5.22.75 to 12.23.08

whats to come....

umm so like whats to come would have to be today ima go to bed after this post then ima wake up and do a shit load of studing and homework. yeah i had two weeks to do all of it and im going to crame it into one day. cause all day saturday i will be dealing with funerals and stuff. honestly i might not even be at school the first three days of next week because i have to deal with other things out of state. and i know sunday im probably going to theme parks or what not so i can finally let loose and have a good time. im a little tired of holding the whole world on my shoulders that i think for one day someone else can take over. well thats it for now. i would type more but im tired which places me in the position of not very many thoughts and if there is they are all passing my mind right about this very second. so yepp.

jaimieJUSTIFIED